Corned beef hash. From: Guinni Baker
1 tin corned beef
Put potatoes on to boil. Take one tin of corned beef. Realise the key is long gone and attempt to batter open using any other kitchen utensil to hand, brute strength and harsh language. Apply plasters to any injuries. Once the potatoes are boiled, mash with butter and milk. Spoon out one portion of mash for the one who doesn't want his corned beef hashed.
Heat the beans gently in a pan. Set aside one portion of beans for the one who doesn't want his corned beef hashed. Tip the rest into the mashed potatoes.
Spoon out two portions of the beany mash for the vegetarians. Set aside one portion of corned beef for the one who doesn't want his corned beef hashed.
Put onions on to fry. Tip the remaining corned beef into the beany mash. Remove one portion of corned beef hash for the one who doesn't like onions in the hash. Throw remaining onions into the pot while cursing all teenagers everywhere.
Toss copious amounts of grated cheese at any plate that doesn't seem to have any meat on it. Put onions on the side of everything. Serve with brown sauce and a glass of red.